A lady at Northwest Airlines Reservations found this gem of blues advice somewhere on the Internet and sent it on to me...  (Thanks, Wanda!) 

HOW TO SING THE BLUES

Most Blues begin with - "Woke up this mornin'."

"I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

The Blues is simple.  After you get the first line right, repeat it.  Then find something that rhymes . . .  sort of - "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town.  Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town.  Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."

The Blues is not about choice.  You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch . . . ain't no way out.

Blues cars - Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.  Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMW's or Sport Utility Vehicles.  Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train.  Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.  Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle.  So does fixin' to die.

Teenagers can't sing the Blues.  They ain't fixin' to die yet.  Adults sing the Blues.  In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada.  Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle are probably just clinical
depression.  Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to
have the Blues.  You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues.  A woman with male pattern baldness is.  Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the blues.   Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it, is.

You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall.  The lighting is wrong.  Go outside to the parking lot and sit by the dumpster.

Good places for the Blues:

Highway
Jailhouse
Empty bed
Bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places for the Blues:
Nordstrom's
Gallery openings
Harvard, Stanford, etc.
Golf courses

No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person and you slept in it.

Do you have the right to sing the Blues?  Yes, if:

You older than dirt
You blind
You shot a man in Memphis
You can't be satisfied

No, if:

You have all your teeth
You were once blind but now can see
The man in Memphis lived
You have a 401(k) or trust fund

Blues is not a matter of color.  It's a matter of bad luck.  Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues.  Sonny Liston could.  Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. *

Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

Cheap wine
Whiskey or bourbon
Muddy water
Nasty black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:

Perrier
Chardonnay
Red Bull
Slim Fast

If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death.  Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die.  So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.  You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

Some Blues names for women:

Sadie
Big Mama
Bessie
Fat River Dumpling

Some Blues names for men:

Joe
Willie
Little Willie
Big Willie

Persons with names like Amber, Jennifer, Courtney and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
First name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
Last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

For example: Blind Willie-Lime Jefferson,
Jakeleg Joe-Lemon Johnson or
Cripple Big Willie-Kiwi Fillmore, etc.  (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

And, I don't care how tragic your life - If you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues.

*  Note from Bluejeans--that line was stolen from Howlin' Wolf who sang "I asked her for water and she gave me gas-o-leene..."